OBAMAGEDDON: BUSH'S LAST STAND! TONIGHT ONLY!

Celebrate Pres. Bush's final State of the Union Address and the beginning of countdown to Obamageddon tonight by joining TV on the INTERNETS in our 6th annual Annheiser Bush State of the Union Drinking Game.

We usually draw up our own elaborate rules involving teams and archetypes (examples: The formerly liberal but increasingly conservative as he considers a mortgage on a condo in Brooklyn Columbia Law student; the jaded minority that keeps trying to flip the channel to NBA basketball), but the event kind of snuck up on us this year so we're just going to link to some other dude's rules that we're going to use and spice up with some stereotypes (if the President refers to Israel as "the Holy Land" take one shot and cheers with a L'Chaim!).

Baywatch Watch

With the success of American Gladiators, the failure of Bionic Woman and the impending mediocrity of Knight Rider, how far off are we from the most inevitable remake of all time?

The Wire: Season 5, Episode 4 Look-Ahead

Air date: January 27, 2008
Director: Dan Attias
Title: Transition

One whole week is too long to wait for a new episode of The Wire so we here at TV on the INTERNETS have started playing a game where we try to deduce in what direction our monomaniacal leader, David Simon, will take us this Sunday.

The first interesting thing to jump out is the name of Dan Attias, the director of episode 4. Attias is one of TVOTI's favorite TV directors, along with Schlamme and Farino, because of his work on Entourage and one of the greatest episodes of any show last year, Studio 60's Christmas Special.

Second, it seems officer Beatrice "Beadie" Russell will be back. Russell, played by Gone Baby Gone's Amy Ryan, played a prominent role in the Port case of season 2. Her reemergence will most definitely coincide with more face time for Spiros Vandopoulos, played by Paul Ben-Victor. With Sergei back in the story and now Spiros, it seems Sunday will be the time for the infamous Greek to return as well.

Third, the reunion of the masterminds behind the Port smuggling in season 2 must mean Marlo is closer to brokering a deal with them to cut Prop Joe out of the supply side of the game. With Omar back in town, though, can Marlo really afford a two-front war with Omar and the East Side? Maybe Stringer Bell knows how that story ends.

Fourth, Gus' search into the city's real estate dealings with known drug dealers proves fruitful as Fatface Rick, aka Troj Strickland, comes back to join us. Fatface doesn't seem to pop up again later this season so maybe it's just a name drop or potentially a hit. Either way, his story will most likely tie in with Clay Davis' grand jury inquisition, which kicks off in earnest this week and will last through March. Keep an eye out for Tom Townsend playing the only character listed as "Grand Jury Member."

Finally, Michael's mom, played by Shamika Cotton, is back in the picture after losing her boyfriend to Chris and Snoop last year. Michael's in the episode too, fresh off his cameo as Nephew in the Roc Boys video, but no mention of Duq, Nay or Randy. Seems like we'll have to wait a bit longer to see what they and Prezbo have been up to.

The Wire. Season 5. Episode 4. 77 hours and counting.

American Idol 7: I'm Your Angel Edition

TV on the INTERNETS has finally gotten off its high horse and introduced a Department of Alternative Programming here at our NY offices. From here on out TVOTI will no longer subjectively discriminate against reality programming and will allow into its purview of quality entertainment the Fox juggernaurous "American Idol." Why? Because after 7 years we've realized it's pointless to try to hate on a legitimate phenomenon that fulfills the very expectations with which TV was created - to provide disparate people of a unified land a sense of community through shared experience. So let's come together and celebrate American Idol Season 7's South Carolina auditions.

Very few potential winners will come out of the crop shown to us in last night's one hour episode but there definitely were some standouts.

First, there was Oliver Highman. I'm not sure if that's how you officially spell his last name but I prefer Hymen, since it would go better with the whole vaginal vibe of his audition. His wife went into labor; he stunk, etc. An interesting programming choice on the part of American Idol to build an episode-long story arc around a guy who ends up being kind of lame.



Second, Michelle and Jeffrey Lampkin brought the "ow" with an R. Kelly / Celine Dion duet that I didn't even know existed. Jeffrey was kind of good though his head voice fell flat some times and doesn't bode well for his performance of songs that aren't booming ballads. Michelle squeaked through because it would just be too sad to watch them say goodbye right now. Let's wait for that awkward Hollywood cry and embrace for which Sanjaya and his sexy sis set the precedent last year.



Third, last night AI sent some cats home that didn't seem outrageously horrendous in my opinion.

For example, was Lyndsay Goodman that bad?



What about the self-proclaimed "Black Clay Aiken," Rishard? Too gay for American Idol? For reals?



Finally, we here at TV on the INTERNETS think Simon saw into the future and predicted a story line that should provide some drama into the early rounds of Season 7. Will Amy Catharine Flynn live up to her potential as the most hated 16-year-old in the country?



Let's see, a cheerleader that doesn't bone. Yeah, I can't think of a single person that liked that chick in high school.

Brobama: Writing Durrrrty

Yeah, I know, we all got massive broners watching Obama's Iowa Victory Speech on January 3rd but there was more than his affected proselytizing prose that rubbed my rod the wrong way.

First, is a booming baritone vibrato allowed in any public speaking venue outside of a pulpit or a lectern on the Mall?

Second, is a 26-year-old white kid named Jon Favreau really responsible for those bombastic phrases that draw such easy parallels to a white guy doing an impression of a black guy doing an impression of a black guy? Apparently, yes.

As evinced by this January 20th New York Times article everyone and their dad is in love with Obama's broratory skills. What would Obama say, they ask. My answer: Whatever Nixon already has.

Let's take a comparative look at Obama's Iowa Victory Speech from 2008 and Richard Nixon's second Republican nomination acceptance speech in 1972 and see if any similarities immediately jump out.

Nixon: "Speaking in a very personal sense, I express my deep gratitude to this convention for the tribute you have paid to the best campaigner in the Nixon family-my wife Pat. In honoring her, you have honored millions of women in America who have contributed in the past and will contribute in the future so very much to better government in this country."

Obama: "And while I'm at it on thank yous, I think it makes sense for me to thank the love of my life, the rock of the Obama family, the closer on the campaign trail.Give it up for Michelle Obama."

Nixon: "I want to say that you have inspired us with your enthusiasm, with your intelligence, with your dedication at this convention. You have made us realize that this is a year when we can prove the experts' predictions wrong..."

Obama: "You know, they said this day would never come. They said our sights were set too high...But on this January night, at this defining moment in history, you have done what the cynics said we couldn't do."

Nixon: "This Nation proudly calls itself the United States of America. Let us reject any philosophy that would make us the divided people of America.In that spirit, I address you tonight, my fellow Americans, not as a partisan of party, which would divide us, but as a partisan of principles, which can unite us...And I ask you, my fellow Americans, tonight to join us not in a coalition held together only by a desire to gain power. I ask you to join us as members of a new American majority bound together by our common ideals."

Obama: "In lines that stretched around schools and churches, in small towns and in big cities, you came together as Democrats, Republicans and independents, to stand up and say that we are one nation. We are one people...You said the time has come...To end the political strategy that's been all about division, and instead make it about addition. To build a coalition for change that stretches through red states and blue states."

Nixon: "The choice in this election is not between radical change and no change. The choice in this election is between change that works and change that won't work."

Obama: "We're choosing unity over division, and sending a powerful message that change is coming to America."

Nixon: "I ask you, my fellow Americans, to join our new majority not just in the cause of winning an election, but in achieving a hope that mankind has had since the beginning of civilization. Let us build a peace that our children and all the children of the world can enjoy for generations to come."

Obama: "Hope is the bedrock of this nation. The belief that our destiny will not be written for us, but by us, by all those men and women who are not content to settle for the world as it is, who have the courage to remake the world as it should be."

Bill Pullman: "We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests...We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!"

Baltmanimore, MD

The Wire: Not 4 Attribution
Season 5, Episode 3
Directed by: Joy and Scott Kecken
Written by: Chris Collins

The latest episode of The Wire took us one step closer to the series finale where, presumably, all loose ends will tie themselves and the show's creators will leave us with a sublime ending that crushes our souls with its fatalistic view of mankind's inevitable fall while making us smile at the resilience of our ineptitude. Its title refers to the principle in journalism ethics that requires only a general source for a specific quotation. In this example, Scott, the entitled Sun reporter, fabricates a quote that he falsely attributes to Nareese in order to demonstrate his chops as a reporter to the paper's city editor. The situation nicely parallels McNulty's own equivocations in Homicide where he doctor's reports and crime scenes to create the impression of a serial killer stalking the city's vagrants. Ironically, McNulty must conjure a serial killer to capture the attention of his superiors and spur more funding to the department because a real serial killer, responsible for more than 20 bodies found in city housing, doesn't rank as a primary concern for the department's limited budget.

The convoluted story line of McNulty faking murders, strangling dead bodies, planting clues to establish pathological patterns and enlisting the help of Lester to make things MORE sensational took on a tone of the absurd. If Season 4 of The Wire was a Dickensian tale of lost souls in a heartless city ruled by corruption, then Season 5 is turning out to become a wry, Eastern European story in the vein of Milan Kundera where the only way to bear the vacuous emptiness of state-sponsored bureaucracy is to laugh at its total ineffectualness.

You can't really argue that Simon and co. aren't shooting for the absurd in Season 5. In the 4 seasons of The Wire have you seen anything more ridiculous than Marlo walking through the Caribbean Antilles asking to see his money? Or Corner Boys at Six Flags? Or Omar in a pair of shorts? Or Duq gaming on a white girl? Come on.

The direction of Joy and Scott Kecken seems like a step in a new direction for the series as well. The show has always been well-helmed and very detail oriented with attention to story paramount in the execution, but "Not For Attribution" took on an Altman quality that literally marks a new direction for the series. For example, when Alma walks into the grocery store to buy the early edition of The Sun McNulty is also there purchasing red ribbon for his pet project, in which Alma will later play a part. This cinematic technique has most recently been adopted by Stephen Soderbergh in Traffic and Paul Thomas Anderson in Boogie Nights and Magnolia. This could be a developing season 5 characteristic since we also saw it in episode 1 when Chris approaches Cedric and Ronnie in City Hall and asks directions while they are discussing Marlo Stanfield, for whom he is a henchman. Clearly this is David Simon telling us visually that everything is connected and will be made obvious in season 5.

It seems the meta nature of this season is scheduled to continue through the finale. Remember the scene in episode 2 this year where The Sun editors are discussing how best to frame a story about Baltimore's public schools? The editor-in-chief's line that he didn't want a "sprawling, amorphous depiction of a social ill" was surely a direct quote from the Season 4 brainstorming sessions the writers of the show themselves endured. According to IMDB, Chris Collins, the writer of "Not For Attribution," also penned the episode to air February 10th (episode 6) entitled, appropriately, "The Dickensian Aspect." I think it's fair to say The Wire is only going to get more self-referential this season as story lines reemerge from the past (Nick Sabotka slated to appear in episode 6!) and the show becomes a commentary on itself. That is until the finale where hope will most likely die painfully beneath the heel of city politics and a new breed of dealers, politicians, cops and killers ignorant of the errors of the past continue to perpetuate the ethos of Bodymore, Murderland.

Broetry Theme Song (Renaldo Lapuz AI Remix)

Some of you may have heard of the internet short TV show known as Broetry that went on to become a finalist for the XBox Live Internet Shorts Competition held this past year at the New York Television Festival.

Those few of you may also know the theme song for Broetry.



But now even fewer of you can rock out to the new remix courtesy of Renaldo Lapuz, age 44 of Reno, NV, who dropped this broriginal tune on Wednesday's American Idol auditions in Dallas.

GUYCON ALERT!

I don't know what color would express the highest level of Guycon Alert but I'm pretty sure it's probably something like BRORANGE.

If you watch the Macworld 2008 video, pay particularly close attention to 24:35. It's at this point that Jobs drops what may be the NUTSIEST thing I've ever seen him do. Unfortunately, I can't extend this to the nutsiest thing I've ever seen any CEO do because I read that book Barbarians at the Gate about the fall of RJR Nabisco and it was like cerebrally epic the extent to which corporate culture has come to represent the most primitive of carnal aggression.

Anyway, it's when he's talking about what other movie studios have joined iTunes in its online renting endeavor. It's pretty sick. Menjoy.