Heroes and Krings

I probably more so than anybody else sweat the shit out of the premier of "Heroes" on NBC this fall. I mean an Indian dude previously only seen in the background of surgical theater scenes in Grey's season 2 as an ensemble cast member with speaking roles? I mean, I'm there.

But then the show aired. There was a lame Sci-Fi send up of an opening sequence and a horrendous slo-mo musical montage involving fire and a cheerleader. I figured I couldn't be the only one who found this lame, cheesy and above all offensive. Genetic mutations? Hollow aphorisms of promise and destiny? No, this shit will NE'ER last.

Wow. Wrong. Nine episodes into the season Heroes is the breakthrough phenomenon of the year. The Fall Out Boy of Fall 2006. If they were a band they'd be featured on the soundtrack of the new Tony Hawk video game. You get the picture.

With the success of the show has come increasing criticism from friends, coworkers and my three readers. "How can you hate this show?" they ask, write and instant message, "It's, like, awesome!" Well, it ain't. And here's why.

First, it's written by Tim Kring, a gentleman (who knows, he might be an asshole) whose past television and writing credits offer nothing to intimate an organic familiarity with comic books or the aesthetic of comic lore. Chicago Hope and Crossing Jordan are more sap than sci-fi and not necessarily the pedigree you'd expect from someone heralded for redefining the prime-time sci-fi narrative.

Secondly, it's just not geeky enough. The effects are lackluster. The dialogue is painfully contrived. The plot is, well, plodding and the premise is offensively under-executed. It is a soap opera with lazy dramatic writing techniques to mask the holes in its supposed mystery. Tim Kring could have learned a thing or two from a master of network sci-fi, Chris Carter.

Third, and most importantly, where's the show's overarching metaphor? As we've learned from the comic book obsession of the past few years, with Superman Returning, Smallville finding syndication, Spiderman racking up the bucks, Aquaman breaking records, Frank L. Miller resurrecting not only his career but also that of the Dark Knight and Michael Chabon making up for "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" with "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay," these fairy tales of heroes and heroines are more than just stories told with moving pictures; they are archetypal lore steeped in metaphors for the salvation of humanity from the perennial evils of death, evil, hatred and sin.

Heroes is nothing without its Christ figure. Nothing without its Holocaust themes. Nothing without the political subtext necessary to make a comic book the innocent representation of the ugly truths adults rationalize with the principles of capitalism, realism, safety and pragmatism. Heroes is a cheap mimicry by a guy named Tim with an Indian dude who delivered better lines during his scenes of silence in that OTHER breakthrough show.