Family (Grey) Matters

I'll leave the recaplets and reviews to the other TV blogs out there. Does this show suck? Probably. Do I watch it reluctantly? Maybe. Do people fucking love it? Yup.

Despite the questionable casting call of enlisting the twins from VH1's Best Week Ever as conjoined adults, people love their Grey's Anatomy. First time writer for the show Carolina Paiz brought it with the script and veteran cinematographers Adam Kane (Boondock Saints, Heroes, episode 1) and Tim Suhrstedt (everything) delivered with compelling cinematography. But the real stars of the show? Ah, those endearing themes.

With the title "Don't Stand So Close to Me" and story lines revolving around dependence, independence, reliance and, um, science Thursday's episode brought the issue of family to the fore. Mom rejects daughter; daughter rejects half-sister; McHomophobe rejects McDreamy; and Meredith needs Christina like Kathy Lee needs Regis. Since the characters of Grey's are so amorous with each other, why the viewers gotta be so irate?

Seems like the soapy nature of Grey's Season 3 sullied up the previous go to forum for GA fans:

Could it be that the inane, childish, kindergarten mentality of the majority of the posts have driven the moderators to hide away and wait for you guys to GROW UP!

Who's sexier? Who's cuter? Who's dress was ugly? I think Mer is a whore!

I think that what we need is a board exclusively for people who use OMG! as a regular preamble to their posts, who start polls on sexiness etc.

SERIOUSLY, I don't even like coming on here anymore, and I am probably the only moderator you have left

So where have they all gone?

Members of GA Online have MOVED
Hi. I'm just making yet another topic about the new forum. I just want you guys to know about it, in case some have not heard. A lot of us have moved to a new board, First Cut. The mods and admin on this board are no longer active, and it has become flooded with spam. This was the main reason for the change.

So if you would like to join us at the new forum here is the link.

http://thefirstcut.proboards105.com/index.cgi *

So, you know, check it out. And don't forget the official Grey's Anatomy writers blog. See what Carolina Paiz has to say and show the family some love.

* Editors note: be ready for portmanteaus galore including Mer/Der, Lexzie...I'll stop there.

The Freshman 13

Obviously my brandished (s)Words of Wit have compelled NBC to listen to the silent majority and issue six more scripts for this season's best new comedy, "30 Rock." Like seriously. Watch this shit from the second episode and tell me if you've ever laughed out loud to something that in any other situation would be construed as racial solidarity.



So, you know, stay snarky, San Diego.

In related though less triumphant news, ABC has decided to pull "The Nine" and let its unresolved though melodramatic story unfold over the remaining 13 episodes to air later next year. With The Nine's cancellation, we will no longer see Tim Daly's familiar mug on the screen (unless USA cowers to TV on the Internets like NBC and brings back reruns of Wings) leaving the public with only one remaining Wings cast member, Steven Weber on Studio 60, standing. Okay, that's not true. Shalhoub's still on Monk. But seriously. That's Monk. And USA. The Aeropostale of cable.

TV on the Internets is still awaiting a response from two girls that went to college with some chick on The Nine and told me this show would be one to watch.

Hustler's R.O.M.E.

No, that graffiti on that poster isn't an ad for the new Jim Jones record. It's just HBO keeping it rilllllll.

The comment battles of course rage on like Antony and Cassius in the Forum. That is if Cassius was an incestual HBO message board with far too many homoerotic puns involving "phalynx" on a self-moderated "I would do him" list.

Hairmates

Trends tend to travel in tens. Ten years ago guitars were in. Now they're back. Ten years ago there was a Czhechoslovakia. Now there's not. You get the point. So it's only appropriate that ten years after Dr. Ross on ER served as the paragon of men's hairstyles a new Must See Doc has returned to fill the void. A resurrected trend himself, John Stamos is back and leads the charge in our gauge of who image-obsessed dudes are looking to for a hairmate.

I found out six weeks ago at my last haircut that the quickest way to alienate a non-english speaking "hair stylist" is to ask for the John Stamos. Hopefully his recurring role on ER as Parminder's paramour and upcoming made-for-TV movie will reintroduce his scruffy side-part into the popular pantheon of men's hair styles among Clooney, Caesar and...well...Clooney.



Then there's Josh Cooke, currently of ABC's "Big Day" and formerly of NBC's "Three Kings." Yeah, he seems to be suffering from some sort of Thomas Cavanagh complex with his over-eager affability but if Wendy Malick's falling for him his tressesessssss gotta be right.

Then of course there's the bottomless well of popular imagery for cool. No, not Saturday Night Live (sorry, Samberg) but the weekly cycle of Bud Light commercials. Popular Hairmate of the most recent series "I'm Just Here for the Bud Light" is the inimitable Todd Schischler. Okay, maybe it's not popular and maybe he's not inimitable but whatever. Ten years ago that shit would have been cool.

Great Moments in Obscurity: Nate Torrence

A recurring series on TV on the Internets will be an homage to TV actors who in limited roles leave a sizable impression, whether it be positive, annoying, quotable or, yup, forgettable. The first honoree is Nate Torrence. You may recognize him from a lackluster role on Studio 60 and the Sunset Strip or grating performances in Capital One and Enterprise Rent-a-car commercials.



For his tireless campaign from Ohio to Hollywood TV on the Internets half-assedly salutes Nate Torrence, today's icon of a great moment in obscurity.

AOTC: NATO

It stands for ahead of the curve. Which is what I am. Usually. Take for instance my claim in early 2002 that sweater jackets (swackets) for men would become the "new look." Four years passed and it didn't look like it was going to pan out. But wait, what's that portentous image with a grown out faux-hawk? Oh right, my point. Cause he proved it.

Time now for my next prediction. Though more macabre in nature and serious in tone, it nonetheless falls into the category of accurate shit that I predict. This week NATO leaders will meet in Riga and the issue of Afghanistan will top the reunion's agenda. With the global war on terror weighing heavy on peripheral allies who no longer see the point in sacrificing for America's self interest, NATO countries have seriously considered lowering if not totally withdrawing the troops they have committed to the Afghanistan campaign. How can the US stop this? Easy. Scare the shit out of somebody.

I am predicting that today's Sunday Morning talk shows as well as the upcoming weekly news cycle will focus on increasing violence in Afghanistan in order to pressure the international community publicly into recommitting to the war against the now defunct Taliban.

An admission of my total ignorance or a justification for why I was probably secretly right though nothing I prophesized came into fruition will follow after the meeting.

DJ WebSploitation

Maybe it's because an American History undergrad degree essentially translates to four years of studying social trends, but I'm pretty sure the 6 month arc seen by DJ Webstar's Chicken Noodle Soup provides a very specific answer to a question someone much smarter than me has asked. And it probably had the terms "contemporary," "blackness," "mimicry," and "class" in there somewhere.

Below find the beautiful trilogy that as a whole describes a social phenomenon. A trend in its past, present and future stages. Or in other words: organic, commercial and corporate. Add "Black," "Harlem" and "YouTube" into the mix and I'm pretty sure you got a strong sociology thesis on your hands.

Crass Roots



I came across this vid like 4 months ago when trying to see how exactly to pull the Chicken Noodle Soup dance off at an apartment warming party. Bedroom solo renditions of dances have become the unofficial heralding of the birth of a new trend.

106th and Propagate



In August (about 3 months after the original song hit the streets) BET's 106th and Park presents a conveniently "authentic" performance of the dance for a mass audience by young, Black Harlemites bringing their culture to devouring eyes...cable.

Dance, Dance, 10 cents per minute

And finally, we have Cingular's latest Ad campaign . I wonder what a 4 year undergrad marketing major would have to say.

Studio 60 and the Sunset Stalkers

Fans of the West Wing and Studio 60 being the wealthy, intelligent bunch that they are have taken over the old West Wing bulletin on nbc.com to vent their frustrations over the show and display their undying fealty to their Josiah Bartlet incarnate. This cryptic post, however, can only lead us to wonder, "What happened on that Studio 60 board?!"

"I will say this softly because I don't want it to lead to the slugfest that was supposedly responsible for the demise of the S60 board..."

Hm, I bet that belligerent Tom Jeter took his hatred of homosexual street thugs STRAIGHT to the web.

Heroes and Krings

I probably more so than anybody else sweat the shit out of the premier of "Heroes" on NBC this fall. I mean an Indian dude previously only seen in the background of surgical theater scenes in Grey's season 2 as an ensemble cast member with speaking roles? I mean, I'm there.

But then the show aired. There was a lame Sci-Fi send up of an opening sequence and a horrendous slo-mo musical montage involving fire and a cheerleader. I figured I couldn't be the only one who found this lame, cheesy and above all offensive. Genetic mutations? Hollow aphorisms of promise and destiny? No, this shit will NE'ER last.

Wow. Wrong. Nine episodes into the season Heroes is the breakthrough phenomenon of the year. The Fall Out Boy of Fall 2006. If they were a band they'd be featured on the soundtrack of the new Tony Hawk video game. You get the picture.

With the success of the show has come increasing criticism from friends, coworkers and my three readers. "How can you hate this show?" they ask, write and instant message, "It's, like, awesome!" Well, it ain't. And here's why.

First, it's written by Tim Kring, a gentleman (who knows, he might be an asshole) whose past television and writing credits offer nothing to intimate an organic familiarity with comic books or the aesthetic of comic lore. Chicago Hope and Crossing Jordan are more sap than sci-fi and not necessarily the pedigree you'd expect from someone heralded for redefining the prime-time sci-fi narrative.

Secondly, it's just not geeky enough. The effects are lackluster. The dialogue is painfully contrived. The plot is, well, plodding and the premise is offensively under-executed. It is a soap opera with lazy dramatic writing techniques to mask the holes in its supposed mystery. Tim Kring could have learned a thing or two from a master of network sci-fi, Chris Carter.

Third, and most importantly, where's the show's overarching metaphor? As we've learned from the comic book obsession of the past few years, with Superman Returning, Smallville finding syndication, Spiderman racking up the bucks, Aquaman breaking records, Frank L. Miller resurrecting not only his career but also that of the Dark Knight and Michael Chabon making up for "Mysteries of Pittsburgh" with "The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay," these fairy tales of heroes and heroines are more than just stories told with moving pictures; they are archetypal lore steeped in metaphors for the salvation of humanity from the perennial evils of death, evil, hatred and sin.

Heroes is nothing without its Christ figure. Nothing without its Holocaust themes. Nothing without the political subtext necessary to make a comic book the innocent representation of the ugly truths adults rationalize with the principles of capitalism, realism, safety and pragmatism. Heroes is a cheap mimicry by a guy named Tim with an Indian dude who delivered better lines during his scenes of silence in that OTHER breakthrough show.

Heroes, Zeros and Weirdos

There have been many things I've been meaning to post about in the past month. How much NBC's "Heroes" blows (or does it?). How far NBC's "The Office" is slipping in quality and substance (told you so). How far above expectations NBC's "30 Rock" is consistently delivering (F the haters). And how far up its own butt NBC's "Studio 60" continues to crawl each week (BS site but whatever he agrees) .

With all that out in the open to be harped on again soon, I instead turn my attention to a larger question about the current state of Television as we wrap up the 1st quarter of the viewing season. Specifically the age old quandary of why bad shows out-perform good shows and why good shows have to get cancelled (See: Dateline to replace Friday Night Lights on Tuesday).

Let's start with this year's honoree as "The Best Show You're Not Watching," a dubious achievement formerly awarded to FOX's "Arrested Development." For 2006, it's NBC's "Friday Night Lights." One of the primary reasons I started these posts was to flex my Words Per Minute and defend shows like Friday Night Lights and "Kidnapped," which were clearly too good for network television to sustain. FNL's got its full season pick-up, however, and Kidnapped is wrapped for good after 13.

Another surprisingly solid show hitting its comedic stride during its second season is CBS's "How I Met Your Mother." Even after co-star and scene stealer NPH came out to People a few weeks ago, the show is still pulling in mediocre ratings (despite "Let's Go 2 the Mall" by Robin Sparkles somehow), which begs the question: how bad does a show have to be in order for it to be considered good?

The Office, Heroes, Criminal Minds, NCIS, Two and a Half Men, the list goes on and on of mediocre shows that find mass audiences through their watered down, accessible substance. Who's to blame? The networks for not sticking by fledgling franchises? The networks for not putting enough corporate muscle behind the commercial promotion of new, edgier shows? The public for not caring enough about television to waste time to wade through the bevy of new shows and gravitate toward the best and brightest? The writers and producers themselves who are too out of touch to be both relevant and engrossing?

Who knows. All I know is Seinfeld was successful and remains one of the greatest shows in the past 20 years. Who knows where it would stand in today's TV climate. Who knows how many times I'll say "who knows" in succession as a poor attempt at parallel structure? If it were to air today Seinfeld probably wouldn't receive the acclaim of "Worst Show For Some Reason You Are Watching." Nope. That shit would still go to Heroes.