CSI: Second Life After Life

Today, USA Today dropped this article reflecting on the success of big brand media companies eating up smaller web upstarts. How's the formula worked out so far? You decide.

News Corp + Myspace = Facebook the most popular thing ever

NBC + iVillage = a 4th hour added to the Today show

Conde Nast + reddit.com = you Digg everything, not reddit.

Clearly something's being lost in the translation from old media to new. Take for example CBS, whose acquisitions of web upstarts over the past year make for some of the largest activity in the industry. After sinking money into Second Life contributors Electric Sheep, CBS apparently found itself with a new, unwieldy media platform on its hand that does not fit conservative models of content distribution.

CBS' response? Obviously to cram their new, shiny round peg into whatever raggedy-ass square hole they can find. And as we all know, there ain't no square hole more raggedy than the CSI franchise.

Starting this fall, CBS will try to branch into the virtual space with CSI: New York plot lines that take Gary Sinise's character into Second Life in pursuit of a virtual killer. Yup, you read right. CSI is actually taking the plot of Virtuosity, starring Denzel and Russel Crowe and trying to make it culturally relevant to people who drink so much Amp they trade currency in kidney stones.

TVOTI's prediction? D.O.A.

Illadelph Half-Life?

Can FX's choice to promote its show It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia by airing the entire season premier on Myspace one month before its debut actually build buzz in the show?

I want to watch it. So yeah. Probably.

Watch here on Myspace.

H-B-Blow?

The day HBO announced the cancellation of its new dramatic series John From Cincinnati, Showtime scored its biggest audience ever with the season premier of Weeds and debut of Californication. What does it all mean for the pay-cable power house?

Is Showtime the next HBO? Or is FX already the first Showtime?

Update! Hard Science!

Turns out Kolata don't know a whole lotta.

In a previous post on the NY Times article on Math, Stats and Sex I facetiously suggested one variable not considered in the statistics used to tabulate the different number of sexual partners between the sexes was the meretricious nature of women and the men who hit it with many of them...at the same time. Surely that could explain the difference between the same population of men and women having significantly varying numbers of sexual partners. If one guy sleeps with three girls at one time, then his numbers soar by 3 while each of the ladies only tack on one, single, lonely notch in their bedposts.

Granted, that's not the most scientific interpretation and I'm a pretty huge idiot so that's, in all likelihood, not a factor responsible for what Gina Kolata described as the difference between the median number of sexual partners of men and women.

Eugene Volokh over at his blog, however, broke the numbers down a little more judiciously and proves why those science articles, even if printed on the venerable presses of the New York Times, are always subject to interpretation and never actually represent hard science.

**Update**

Since some of TV on the INTERNETS readers were humanities majors in college and haven't dealt with an integer since they dropped Calc 2-14 Freshman year, allow us to provide a brief explanation of what Volokh's saying in Lame Man's terms.

Gina Kolata and The New York Times said the median number of sexual partners for men is significantly higher than that of women. Logically, they explain, this is not possible since the population of men and women would not allow for such a large difference of mates between the two sexes. Therefore, men are most likely lying.

Volokh, however, points out the ridiculous slant of the statisticians and their choice to use the median as any indication of sexual activity. For example, if 5 men sleep with 13 women, their average will be 2.6 women per 1 man. If 5 women sleep with 13 men, their average too will be 2.6 men per 1 woman. The two populations are therefore equal in their sexual activity.

However, by using the median as a statistical tool to analyze sexual behavior, Gina Kolata and her "Doctors" just find a way to put a new spin on a very commonplace situation. If, using our original example, 3 of those 5 guys have 3 partners each and 2 of those 5 guys have 2 partners each, then both our average and total stay the same but our median becomes 3.

Still sticking with our original example, if 3 of our women each have just 1 male partner but 2 of the women have 5 male partners then, while our average and total number of men still stay the same (2.6 and 13 relatively) our median becomes only 1.

According to this formula the median sexual partners for our 5 men dwarfs the median sexual partners for our 5 women even though 2 of our hypothetical sluts have more partners than all of our 5 dudes.

The article, therefore, doesn't reveal any new science, just a different way to interpret some pretty standard shit. Thanks Vagina Kolata. Thanks a lotta.

So You Think You Can Dance Predictions: No Homo Edition

After last night's results show for So You Think You Can Dance, I'm well on my way to predicting yet again who the final winners of this year will be. In case you haven't been following along with my interest in the show let me briefly update you. I want to heart hug Sabra beneath a suede duvet filled with tenor saxophones playing sweet arpeggios in a mixolydian scale.

So final prediction: For the first time in the show's history a woman will win, and a black woman at that.

First place - Sabra

Second place - Neil

Evidence for my cause:

1. 
   
   Sabra and Dominic in Generaux's STICKWITU Rumba


2. 
   
   Sabra and Dominic in Shane Spark's lyrical hip hop routine


3. 
   
   Sabra and Neil in Mandy Moore's '80s homage

NY Times: Whole Lotta Kolata

In her article The Myth, The Math, the Sex, New York Times science writer Gina Kolata draws attention to a statistical anomaly that doesn't quite add up. In nearly all studies men admit to having nearly twice the number of sexual partners over the course of a lifetime than women. "How can that work?" researches ask. "It is logically impossible for heterosexual men to have more partners on average than heterosexual women."

One statistician attempts to explain his point figuratively, clearly a strength with someone who's dedicated their life to numbers and their relationship to each other.

“By way of dramatization, we change the context slightly and will prove what will be called the High School Prom Theorem. We suppose that on the day after the prom, each girl is asked to give the number of boys she danced with. These numbers are then added up giving a number G. The same information is then obtained from the boys, giving a number B.

Theorem: G=B

Proof: Both G and B are equal to C, the number of couples who danced together at the prom. Q.E.D.”

Hey Dr., I don't mean to quibble with your logic, but, um, it seems like you're missing out on one of the most obvious variables for the discrepancy. What if you sleep with 2 women at the same time?

No wonder Gina Kolata can't have as much sex as a normal dude. She DUMB.

Bid on Tix for "So You Think You Can Dance" Tour

$255 for the chance to creepily wait outside Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY and potentially grab hold of Sabra when she walks by and hug her close to your chest before Wade Robson punches you in the neck and sleeps with your girlfriend? A steal at thrice the price.

Check out the Ticketmaster Auction

Current TV Injures Shoulder Patting Itself on Back After Announcing Launch of Hip Music Content Video Blog

Current TV has been around for about 2 1/2 years struggling to be the hip center of the new media movement. Al Gore founded the network to give voice to the growing phenomenon of User Generated Content in early 2005.

A lot has happened in the realm of UGC in the past 30 months, however, and very little of it to do with Current TV. Now, I was one of the early fans of the network but the channel was borderline unwatchable. Not so much because of the content submitted by viewers, but by the offensively sterile personalities recruited by the network to represent hip, smart and engaged youth.

Can you imagine anything worse than getting hip and savvy news from this?

Gotham Chopra, contributor Current TV. Also, co-creator of K Lounge, the Kama Sutra themed bar in Manhattan that was kind of bumping that one time I went at like 5:30 on a Wednesday.

Or this?

Conor Knighton, Current TV Contributor

Or this?

Max and Jason, Contributors to Current TV. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

The corn-ball personalities they chose as their faces and the minimal success of Current TV begs the question - is San Francisco too gay to be cool?

Apparently, yes:



But in case you're still on the fence, now's the time to find out. News came out today that Current TV is launching a Music-Video blog to air frequently on the network. The segment will apparently fill the void left by channels like MTV, VH1 and BET abandoning their ostensible objectives of music programming. By focusing on "up-and-coming" acts like Dizzy Rascal (who I'm pretty sure has been kind of huge both in the UK and the US for almost 5 years now), Current TV will ipso facto become the go-to destination for mainstream music news.

There's only one problem. The address for Current TV:

118 King Street
San Francisco, CA 94107p
(415) 995-8200
f (415) 995-8201

Yup, that's the Bay Area and nothing cool having to do with white people has come out of San Francisco since Judd scored Pam the Asian on the Real World.

Even worse, Current TV prides itself on its lame locale and unashamedly provides visitors to its site a link to a Google Map showing you from exactly where that stench of smug mediocrity you find in Trader Joes grocery stores and poetry slams originates.

Current TV can encourage you to FTP them cell phone videos of My Morning Jacket live at Lollapalooza until its XML is blue in the face. That won't change what has always been the case. San Francisco's just too lame to be cool.

Dear John

Is the writing on the wall for premium cable heavy-weight HBO? The day competitor Showtime dropped the season 3 premier of Weeds and the debut of its new original show Californication HBO announced the cancellation of David Milch's John from Cincinnati.

I can't say it's a surprise. TV on the INTERNETS is just so in tune with the aura of television development decisions that we almost prophetically eulogized the show in last night's post linking to an interview with Milch, which we noticed was imbued with a sense of somber reflection.

A quote from Milch:

"[I am] grateful for the experience...My feeling is that you
can't waste a second on remorse."

God's speed, John From Cincinnati. Or whatever esoteric surfer slang can convey that spiritual metaphor.

Super Bad Super Man

Crave Online: Funny Videos, Sexy Videos, Music Videos, Movie Trailers, and More!

Milch Money 101

David Milch on the semiotics of John From Cincinnati. Courtesy of Cynthia Littleton's blog "On the Air" from Variety.com. Some highlights to entice you to read further:

"[I've thought a lot about] tactics of fictive argument, generally."

And:

"...the fact that story uses as its building blocks words or characters that the
audience believes it has some prior recognition or understanding of, is really
simply the beginning of the story, but not its end."

So throw on that sweaty hooded sweatshirt, make yourself a bowl of ramen and cozy up to the sage insight of Professor David Milch on the metaphysics of post-modern story-telling.

Further reading:

"John from Cincinnati": David Milch speaks

Avid Online Entourage Fans Hate Minorities? Or Avid Online Fans of Racism Love Entourage?

Now, I know Fan Message Boards aren't the first place one should look for cool, rational, objective and insightful comments about a particular television show, but some times they're just too crazy to ignore.

Take for example a recent debate on the HBO.com message boards for August 12th's episode of Entourage "The Young and the Stoned." A poster going by the name of HBBro, after speaking somewhat intelligently about the show, decided to play the race card and said:

However, the presence of a black director really underscored the show's dearth of diversity. When's the last time a black actor's had a line in the show since Turtle's short-lived courtship of the sneaker chick from You Got Served?

At this point, Entourage loyalists joined the fray and responded:

Oh, please. Shut the hell up and stop playing the fucking race card. It's a fucking TV show, if you don't like it because "black guys aren't featured" then don't watch, simple as that.

And:

...here's a show for HBBRO, The Wire plenty of "african-americans" in that show leave ENTOURAGE as is!

And:

There wasn't enough white people on Cosby Show either!!!!!!!!

And:

Wait!! Doesnt Turtle count as a black person??? He acts and dresses more black than most African Americans do.

And:

With Turtles stupid hats and the lame Hipity Hopity music they play on this show it could easily run on BET.

In defense of the show's message boards, one fan came to HBBro's aid. A poster conspicuously using the pseudonym "DouglasEllin" said:

I'm simply amazed that this alleged "message board" is limited to the intelligence of a selected few, i.e., anyone with opposing minds need not apply. If one wants to spark a discussion of race (while admittedly a heavy one concerning such a fluffy show), why must that poster be chased out to the parking lot, so to speak? This kind of oh-shut-the-fuck-up! attitude merely turns prospective posters away, and invariably perpetuates a boys-club/locker-room mentality that, at the end of the day, includes the same 10 dudes high-fiving each other and whipping each others' buttocks with wet towels in their confined bubble while the great big world outside rolls onward.

Granted this high-minded defense of free speech on the HBO message boards loses some of its luster when you seriously take the time to consider that the poster actually uses the name of Entourage creator Doug Ellin to underscore his noble points. Which means, he's probably crazy and sleeps on a mattress fashioned from rejected Spec Scripts.

In any case, the question still remains: Do avid online fans of Entourage really hate minorities? Naw, I'm sure Avid fans of racism just really love their Entourage.

The Darjeeling Limited

From: Anonymous [mailto:ANONYMOUS@gmail.com]

Sent: Monday, August 13, 2007 11:57 AM

To: TV on the INTERNETS

Subject: Re: FW: Sundance Doc winner "Manda Bala" opening @ Angelika next weekend! GO SEE THIS FANTASTIC FILM!

Body: have you seen this?

An exerpt from my emotional response:

You know, I hadn't yet, but I'm really glad I have...[EDIT]

So, you know, I've been simultaneously stoked and worried about this for some time now. On one hand, it sounds awesome. On the other, it's white people in India. And not just India, NORTH EAST INDIA, an area that holds pride in never falling to the Mughals, being the last to succumb to British Imperialism and now, apparently, the last to withstand the onslaught of white dudes with video cameras.

But if anyone had to do it I can't imagine anyone I'd be more comfortable with than Schwartzman and Anderson. I even saw a few other paliating names and faces in the trailer. Irfan Khan from the Namesake and Roman Coppola with a writing credit.

Also, you have to appreciate Anderson's style. The color schemes, the production design, the reproduction of reality so heavily steeped in theater and theatricality. Even the title is hilarious. The transcontinental trian in India is actually called The Darjeeling Express. I don't even know if a Darjeeling Limited even exists. That alone makes me believe that this movie will be awesome but will be ruined by legions of hardcore Anderson loyalists who will either blindly adore the movie or irrationally hate it. This seems like one of those flicks I'd like to see alone in the dark. With a comforter and someone nearby to carry me into bed. That part may sound weird but fuck you for being such a phillistine.

Sweet trailer. Thanks.

Sincerely,
TV on the INTERNETS

Entourage: The Young, White and Stoned

August 12th's episode of Entourage seems to represent an upswing in the creative energies and motivations at HBO, Leverage and Closest to the Hole, the production teams behind the series. After a dismal run of episodes revolving around cheap, sophomoric gags like "rim jobs," "trannies" and "furries," it seems Doug Elin, et al. are finally back on track and serving up legitimate plot points that follow the bread crumbs out of the narrative quagmire of Medallin.

An entire half season arc dedicated to Perry Reeves' character "Walsh" and the team's production nightmares revolving around the Escobar bio-pic taxed the commitment of even the most loyal fans of the show, who can now finally be satisfied that the show is back on track and near the pitch-perfect levels of seasons 1 and 2.

Together with last weeks' episode, last night's installment "The Young and the Stoned" pushed us into new territory with the launch of Eric's new business and the prospect of another client. The writing was fresh, the plot lines were humorous and the tone was just what you needed to send your arms into the air and scream in the face of a dwindling summer, "VICTORY."

First time Entourage contributor Dusty Kay penned the script and along with TV director Ken Whittingham could claim primary responsibility for the show's return to excellence. Kay's been out of the game since his last contribution to television in 2002 for The Twilight Zone series. Clocking in at nearly 50 years old, Kay doesn't seem like the kind of person whose mind would provide the fertile soil for a plot line centered on "extinct weed." In the end though, he pulled off the pacing and came away with one of the finer episodes of the season.

Even more intriguing than the "cincogenarian" who grimaced through arthritis to pen the script is the presence of an African-American director for a show that, to my knowledge, hasn't had a black guy open his mouth on screen for a little bit now. Ken Whittingham last directed the marginally funny episode "Sorry, Harvey" which contained the memorable "trannicles" at the end. This time around the former director of episodes for more diverse shows like "One on One" and "Everybody Hates Chris" brought back the youthful exuberance that's made Entourage such a summer time hit.

Still, it's surprising to see a show whose title has primarily been associated with hip-hop stars storming the red carpet and brawls opening up in crowded Las Vegas lobbies center around only white characters whose closest encounter with an entourage most closely reminiscent to the nineties hip-hop prototypes ended with Wee-bey from "The Wire" dangling Drama off a hotel balcony in season 3.

Still, as white-bred as Entourage remains, it seems to be back on track. Hopefully the last 3 episodes will bring us out of summer on an exuberant wave that has us looking back on Season 4 with a fond and satisfied sigh of "Victory."

Takes Balls to Bring Vampires to HBO

I believe there are 2 main reasons why Vampire shows have been relatively nonexistent on television over the past few years. First, no one wants to be compared to Buffy. And second, a show about vampires in the age of new media is begging for an unoriginal blogger with a Typepad business account to make a "This Show Sucks (Blood)" headline.

Leave it to Alan Ball, however, to grab the undead by the incisors and bring True Blood to HBO come January 2008. On its surface the show seems like standard HBO fare.

• Take convoluted conceit (Drifters in the West : Vampires in the South)
• Place flawed characters in a location that becomes a metaphor for existence (Mobsters in suburban New Jersey ; Struggling Rock Band in Manhattan)
  
• Use hook of outlandish premise to lure audience into yet another character drama that ruminates on the themes of love, family and mortality

Based on the books by Charlaine Harris, True Blood has a lot to aspire to if the original author's website is any indication of the quality of her work. Judging by her frequented message boards and fastidiously updated blog it would seem Charlaine Harris' stories are less John Berendt and Faulkner than a healthy mix of Ann Rice and J.K. Rowling.

Even Ball admitted to the lighter tone planned for the series.

"The books are funny, scary, sexy, romantic, bizarre and really fun," Ball said. "I couldn't put them down. I will try to remain as true to the spirit of her book as possible."

He continued,

"I was ready to do something a little lighter in tone than 'Six Feet,"' Ball said. "Five years of staring into the abyss was enough."

He wasn't kidding about that lighter tone. Several of the writers slated to produce pieces for True Blood have backgrounds in sitcom and prepubescent sci-fi. Brian Buckner, for example, was nominated for 2 Emmys as a co-producer on Friends and later contributed to the ill-fated programs Joey and The Class. Raelle Tucker came from writing stints on Supernatural.

Things on the production end don't seem that much more esteemed. Production manager Bill Johnson's most notable credits are Executive Producing A Walk to Remember and acting as Unit Production Manager on Malibu's Most Wanted. Checco Varese as cinematographer doesn't look like he'll bring much in terms of mind-blowing aesthetics, either, with his most outstanding achievement a collection of Dave Mathews Band videos.

It is HBO, however, the home of The Sopranos, Deadwood, Entourage, Six Feet Under and so many other productions that boast incomparable achievement in the field of Set and Art Design. True Blood's one saving grace and harbinger for modest success seems to lie in Suzuki Ingerslev, whose art direction seems to be partially responsible for HBO's reputation as not just TV.

Come January, however, we'll see if HBO really can trump Buffy as the definitive small screen portrayal of Vampires. Or if, in the end, True Blood really will underwhelm and prompt millions of headlines across the blogosphere to claim True Blood Sucks (Alan) Balls.

Why Paul Haggis Won't Be Nominated For Another Oscar in 2008

A friend of mine and I have a tendency, when we imbibe, to make inane bets. What celebrity seems most likely to be illiterate? (Answer: Billy Crudup)

A few weeks ago he lay the gauntlet once more and asserted, "I bet you Paul Haggis will be nominated for another Oscar this year." After watching the pathetic demise of The Black Donnellys on NBC, I figured this probably wasn't going to be Haggis' year and I took the bet. Now, we won't know for certain until the nominations come out early 2008, but I believe the evidence below irrefutably shows that the reign of Paul Haggis has come to an end.

I mean can you honestly cop the emotional score from an Oliver Stone trailer that came out less than 24 months before and still expect to be rewarded with the industry's highest honor in artistic achievement? Oh right, this is the Oscars. Probably.

In the Valley of Elah



World Trade Center

Whoa-Man Studies

A response to "Lunatic Feminist Doesn't Understand Concept of "High Concept"; Attractive Woman meets Attractive Man ≠ Funny" posted at Cosmodrome.

Katha Pollitt's critique on American manhood is nothing new to those familiar with Micaela Deleonardo, Tessie Liu or other members of Northwestern University's Gender Studies Department. What is new is that a movie with the phrase "If we get laid tonight it's because of Eric Bana in Munich!" rouses as much debate about contemporary masculinity as Ellis' in your face satire American Psycho.

Two years ago, yours truly announced the arrival of the under-whelming, under-achieving, under-the-influence twenty-something, the Beta Male in the HTML of Sneer Magazine, which is now unfortunately defunct.

Around the same time, that slacker lothario of yore Benjamin Kunkel, who provided us the convenience of binding all our toilet paper with the publishing of Indecision, became the spokesperson for the listless lad in this Salon article.

And now it's Denby in the New Yorker and Pollitt again at the Nation decrieing the devolution of the alpha male into a castrated stoner who DVR's South Park reruns even though he already owns the DVDs.

What does this mean for dudes, Appatow or the box office of Superbad? Most likely nothing. But props to Judd for wrapping his hairy-ass Robin Williams knuckles around this cultural zeitgeist and ushering in a new panic regarding a slacker who's sperm count is so low he's confident there's NO WAY he can get someone pregnant.

Katha Pollit's not a lunatic and neither are the critics who are honestly concerned about the state of the Ameri-Man. It's a debate that's been raging for the past few years, only now Seth Rogen is the Donald Logue du-jour.

The real question remains, however: What the fuck is Michael Cerra going to do?

Saturday Night Re-Lived

Yeah, I stayed home again on a Saturday night, but new episodes of Saturday Night Live are so rare to come by that it's almost always worth forgoing unnecessary Kamikazee shots and group circle dancing to Mark Morrison b-sides for the opportunity to catch a Digital Short before the dude at work with too much hair gel forwards it to you and begins to quote it in your ear before your browser can even load. So sit back on a Sunday and get caught up on what some annoying motherfucker's going to be stuffing your inbox with tomorrow.

1) Body Fusion - the team behind SNL's Digital Shorts prove once again their uncanny eye for visual satire for impeccably lampooning '80s fitness videos that you awkwardly had to watch your mom work out to when you faked sick during pre-school.


2) Jo-Jo the Valet - Amy Poehler proves once again she is a comic genius and deserves to usurp from Sarah Silverman the title of Girl the Geeky Guys Want to Awkwardly Fondle in Their Dorm Room.


3) The Dakota Fanning Show - unfortunately this version of the clip doesn't show the mise en scene that took us from Drew Barrymore's monologue, across the audience and right up to the sketch's set, but I'm sure Robert Altman's estate is collecting some secret royalties. Again, Amy Poehler kills it while Keenan continues to hone his craft as a peripheral cast member consistently delivering as the ubiquitous minority sidekick in celebrity talk show sketches.


4) Drew Barrymore's opening monologue - Andy Samberg once again underscores his preternatural role as a contemporary sex symbol. Video not available right now, unfortunately, probably because it contained songs that NBC couldn't license for online use. But either way, I'm pretty sure you'll see it some time this week when Hair Gel tracks it down and shoves it in your inbox.

Vh1: Friend, Foe, Frenemy?

I am firmly convinced that had I not had Vh1 freely fed into my apartment as an undergrad my G.P.A. would have been 0.6 points higher and I wouldn't currently be sitting in a windowless bedroom that smells like paint updating an internet TV blog for an audience of two (you know who you are, my sole RSS feeder). I had unfettered access, though, to that crack of cable, airing endless marathons of count down lists that legitimately had me wondering, "who DOES have the #4 hardest rock body?!" I would sit on that 9 foot couch, a Chipotle burrito sitting on my chest, and actively know what it was like to have television eat my brain.

Three years later Vh1 has taken its calculus of narcotizing crap and out of it actually spun a viable media platform: Celeb-reality. Shows like Flavor of Love, The Surreal Life, and I Love New York have given the network some of the highest ratings in the land of cable and, as Bill Carter in today's New York Times points out, pioneered the path for a bizarre new programming maxim:

Take a pop cultural idol from the past 20 years or so — idol being defined so broadly as to include almost anyone who ever struck the public consciousness even a glancing blow — and place him or her in some reality television context.

Carter's article raises the obvious criticisms levelled against shows like Flavor of Love, which opponents claim reify black stereotypes of minstrels and hoochies. Most interesting, however, is the paradoxical role Vh1 seeks to establish for itself as the gatekeepers of "Acceptable TV," an upcoming show starring Jack Black that "dovetails neatly with the general skepticism that VH1 executives have about the value of the Internet vs. traditional television."

Here we have Vh1, the network that brought us Mini-Me peeing on a Brady Brother, as the final arbiter of taste between what passes for measly user generated content and broadcast worthy entertainment. Maybe that passes for irony, but I'm not exactly sure of the term's definition. If only I'd spent more time in the library as an undergrad than on my couch inhaling burritos taking note of the top 40 most awesomely dirrrty songs of '04.

30 Rock: Writing Derrty

Yeah, I know 30 Rock was a rerun tonight, but the absence of anything new to write about has allowed me to rummage through the heaps of TV on the INTERNETS notes I have scrawled on the backs of "Business Reply Mail" cards that have fallen out of my sister's past issues of People and pick a bone that has for too long gone, you know, not picked. 30. Rock. Is. Stealing. Jokes.

Yup, I said it, and I'll step back, appreciate it and repeat it. 30 Rock is writing derrrty. Cheyeah.

Now I'm well aware that the standards of ethical argumentation normally require at least 3 supporting pieces of evidence for each supposition, but I only have two right now and hopefully a third will strike me by the end of this post.

First example of punch line plagiarism - tonight's repeated episode "Jack-Tor," in which, according to the info on my sister's DVR:

Liz integrates Jack into a sketch; Frank and Toofer trick Jenna into fearing for her job; Liz wonders if Tracy is faking illiteracy to skip rehearsals. Rated TV-24. Program Type: Series/Sitcom. Letterbox. Repeat.

I forget when exactly this episode aired, but it was relatively early in the season, as the show was first finding its legs, and served as one of the flash points that ignited attention for both Alec Baldwin and the show (as well as star and head-writer Tina Fey) as something more than just Suddenly Susan where the new Susan suddenly has bigger boobs and no Judd Nelson. In fact, it was a fellow TV blogger I believe, who raved about the episode's Snapple Placement scene during which the writing staff of the fictional Girlie Show criticize Alec Baldwin's character for encouraging product placement while they simultaneously throw in non-sequiturs praising Diet Snapple and its Plumagranite flavor. Yeah, we get it, it's WAY meta on like SO many levels except, wait a minute, Wayne's World did it like 15 years ago.



Second example - the episode which aired about two weeks ago that featured the debut of the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine. An obvious parody of the George Foreman Grill, the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine also mimicked the George Bluth Cornholer from Arrested Development in its dangerous shortcoming of scalding its users with burning grease.

The similarities between the shows don't stop there. Both 30 Rock and Arrested Development fall into the category of, dare I say it, post-post-modern sitcoms (in other words - sitcoms written after and with the full understanding of the paradigm shift created by '80s and '90s institutions The Simpsons and Seinfeld) that not only break the use of the 3 camera system but also find jokes in the deconstruction of language and TV-reality interplay.

For the humor found in deconstructing language one need only to look at any scene involving David Cross in Arrested Development (ex, Psychoanalyst + Therapist = Analrapist) or the Colbert Report's "The Word" segment. As for TV-reality interplay, both Arrested Development and 30 Rock rely heavily on recreating the humor of real life by inviting the audience into the world of the show's characters and making them privy to inside jokes. How many times did Arrested Development quickly toss out a self-referential joke like "hermano"? Even 30 Rock created an alternative world where jokes transcend punch lines and one liners (the kind of sitcom bricks that still form the foundation for more "traditional" fare such as Two and a Half Men or The New Adventures of Old Christine) and involve situations of shared experience like Jenna's "Rural Juror." Even Alec Baldwin's character in the episode cops to it when asked to play a GE exec in a sketch mocking GE execs:

Oh I get it. The whole self-referential thing. Letterman hates the suits. Stern yells at his boss. Nixon's sock-it-to-me on Laugh In. Yeah, hippy humor.

In my opinion, 30 Rock is still the best new sitcom of the 2006 - 2007 season and has proven for many critics that the sitcom is no longer a moribund genre. However, it's important to realize originality is still the basis of creativity and without it you're just writing derrrty.

I know that's not a third supporting piece of evidence for my original argument but that's all I have written on my "Business Reply Mail Notes" I've scrounged up off the floor among old Chipotle wrappers. Cheyeah.

Studio 60 Continues Not Sucking Streak

Until I learn the purpose of the TV blog "recaplet" and how to successfully write a good one this will be how I shall address the airings of most recent episodes.

Show: Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Air Date: Monday, January 22, 2007
Title: Monday
Writer: Aaron Sorkin *

Commentary: Without completely losing the Religious Right critique he's been using as the moral center of the show, a schtick a lot of viewers have grown tired of, Sorkin kicked off the second half of the show's first season with a strong story incorporating the finer aspects of his past work: intriguing overarching plot points, richly written women characters and the painful tenderness of unrequited love.

One interesting thing to take away from Monday's episode is Sorkin's maturing exploration of race. Predominantly a non-issue in Sports Night, race became an awkward scepter of self-righteousness which Sorkin used to pat his own back in certain episodes of the West Wing. In Monday's Studio 60, however, the developing story line of Simon Stiles, his race and his relationship with a young, black writer introduces a topic often noticed but rarely discussed - the black identity within the history of American comedy.

Perhaps it was of no oversight of his own that Sorkin wrote the scene between Simon Stiles and the new, black writer for an episode to air 30 years after the premier of that other great institution of American television, Roots.

Maybe the improbable is possible; Sorkin can be topical without being pedantic; maybe someday I'll learn to write a recaplet.

*Sorkin only gets a "created by" credit not a "teleplay by."

Colts 40 Share

Sunday's AFC Championship game between the Indianapolis Colts and the New England Patriots was the most watched television event of the season, surpassing even the 2007 premier of American Idol.

Despite the game's last-second tension, a majority of viewers most likely tuned in to decide for themselves if Peyton Manning was indeed the illegitimate spawn of a wild night threesome way back when between his father Archie Manning (left), Howard Dean and Timothy Busfield.

Potato Chip Company Makes Ad For What Looks Like Prescription Allergy Medication Featuring Music of UK Indie Band to Effect of Promoting Sun Flowers

It's the question that's on the tip of everyone's fingers in potato chip chat rooms all across the internets, who sings that song in the Lays commercial and why do they sound like an early Wilco cover band?

Probably because they're British and their name is The Candyskins. Are they any good? I don't know, you tell me. My musical standards tend to be more Zach Braff than Ziggy Stardust. Less Ruffles and more Lays.

Celebrity Dopplegangers: Jandy Charmberg

With another Sunday my Samberg complex continues to grow despite last night's mediocre Saturday Night Live with Jeremy Piven. A few strong sketches did air, however. First there was the serial sketch "Macgruber" with SNL sleeper Will Forte and second, another installment of Samberg's "Blizzard Man." Was it really that funny? Probably not, but credit is definitely warranted to the SNL wig department for successfully making Samberg look like that other hero of my heart, Sports Night's Dan Rydell, whom you may better know as Agent Barker in Muppets From Space.

Daughtry Rawks Oh So Soft

Come Monday morning will Chris Daughtry attribute the lone, heroic tear that fell from his right eye during his rendition of the National Anthem at Sunday's NFC Championship game to the deep empathy he feels for America and those who defend its liberties or that cold Chicago wind that skips off Lake Michigan?

Prognostication: Neither. Daughtry cries for the low box office receipts of Rock Star and the hollow realization that the movie of his life has already been made, was bad but based on a band that was better than his.

Van Milder: The Edgeless Edge of Kal Penn

It's been a busy week for Kal Penn. When not losing life on 24 he was taking it on Tuesday's Law and Order: SVU. Playing the Indian kid with daddy issues, Penn successfully executed the difficult task of overacting understated. Still, for too few legitimate reasons, touted as a film star, Penn underwhelmed TWICE this week on network prime time, doing little to strengthen the occasionally whispered argument that Van Wilder II failed because of residual imperialist attitudes of the West and not because, you know, the incredulity of Kal Penn as a hetero player.

3 quick notes to the producers of Law and Order: SVU:

1) Change your name to Order: SVU. There's no law in your story lines. There's a sex crime, an unfortunate similarity between a victim and a real person, the chase of a wrong lead, the introduction of the actual culprit as a character peripherally related to the initial suspect, the scene where "remand" is denied and bail is set at $1 million, the capture of the reprobate who actually turned out to be a flight risk, the killer rapist's confession of the crime brought about by Freudian interrogation, and, finally, an uncomfortable ending during which Elliot, Mariska or Ice T realize justice served can never undo the scars of a crime already committed.

2) On a related note, Order: SVU, plot twists and guest stars don't really go hand in hand. If you paid for Kal Penn's SAG fee then he's probably going to be the killer.

3) Order: SVU, be more like this:

Golden Globes / Golden Showers

Most recently epitomized by The Aviator's victory for Best Picture however many years ago, the Golden Globes have repeatedly reinforced in the eyes of the critical populace its image as a booze-fueled hand-job for Hollywood that serves as the shaggy-haired roadie one has to get through to make it to the Academy Awards. The most valuable barometer to use to predict whom the Hollywood Foreign Press will choose as its winners is the institution's obsession with the "golden age of Hollywood." It's "Inside the Beltway" politics for the Holiday Hills resulting in a pretty alienating experience for the rest of us. Except when stars get drunk, jokes get crass and the pomp and circumstance of the Oscars is eschewed instead for an atmosphere reminiscent of a French Pot Luck - you can almost smell the smoke and feel the sticky heat of George Clooney's gin sweats through the television.

The HFPA's obsession with all things, well, Hollywood as well as the Golden Globes' role as a prelude to the Oscars, make the Hollywood Foreign Press' film picks inherently political and a little too up-it's-own-butt. It's TV picks, however, are usually more deserving than the Emmy's, caught up in its own degree of self-importance, and serve as the strongest statement of the year of what's been the best in TV Land in the past year (See Mary Louise Parker's win for Weeds in 2006 and her subsequent loss to a Seinfeld Curse Breaker at the Emmy's that same year).

So without further stream of consciousness verbosity, my Golden Globe TV picks for 2007.

Best Television Series - Drama

24 (FOX)
Real Time Productions/Imagine Television/Twentieth Century Fox Television; FOX

Big Love (HBO)
Anima Sola/Playtone Productions/HBO Entertainment; HBO

Grey's Anatomy (ABC)
Touchstone Television; ABC

Heroes (NBC)
NBC Universal Television Studio/Tailwind Productions; NBC

Lost (ABC)
Touchstone Television; ABC

Pick: Grey's Anatomy
Why: Last year's winner, Lost, fell off in the middle of season 2 and has suffered serious momentum challenges by its extended hiatus schedule and fan reactions to too few sequential new episodes. Grey's Anatomy developed into a true blockbuster series during its second season with an enormous post-Super Bowl episode that literally exploded the show out of the shadow of its Desperate Housewives lead-in. Season 2 gave no less than 3 memorable episodes that delivered the suspense of mid-90's ER and the emotional drama of a great evening soap. It's irreverent attitude and impetuous sexiness forged a new voice in prime-time TV that resonated with an audience no show has found since HBO's Sex and the City. Big competition from FOX's 24, however, which beat out Grey's for the Best Drama Emmy in '06.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama

Patricia Arquette – Medium (NBC)

Edie Falco – The Sopranos (HBO)

Evangeline Lilly – Lost (ABC)

Ellen Pompeo – Grey's Anatomy (ABC)

Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer (TNT)

Pick: Kyra Sedgwick
Why: I've never seen The Closer but all those reviews make it sound like Kyra Sedgwick's southern accent makes Matthew Mcgonnagay sound like he's from Hoboken. Don't be surprised by a win for Edie Falco, though, for a Sopranos farewell, and there's always that whole HBO lobby...

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series - Drama

Patrick Dempsey – Grey's Anatomy (ABC)

Michael C. Hall – Dexter (SHOWTIME)

Hugh Laurie – House (FOX)

Bill Paxton – Big Love (HBO)

Kiefer Sutherland – 24 (FOX)

Pick: Michael C. Hall
Why: Laurie won last year. Kiefer won the Emmy. Dempsey's character doesn't demand enough range. Michael C. Hall's the shit. And kinda so is Showtime.

Best Television Series - Musical or Comedy

Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Touchstone Television; ABC

Entourage (HBO)
Leverage/Closest to the Hole/HBO Entertainment; HBO

The Office (NBC)
Deedle Dee Productions/Reveille/NBC Universal Television Studio; NBC

Ugly Betty (ABC)
Touchstone Television; ABC

Weeds (SHOWTIME)
Showtime/Lionsgate Television/Tilted Productions, Inc.; SHOWTIME

Pick: Weeds
Why: Not even nominated last year, The Office could follow up its '06 Emmy win with this year's Golden Globe. Midway through season 2, however, The (American) Office made it very clear that when not adapting story lines from the British original it mired itself in overwrought plot and excessive pop culture references so thin they date themselves during the time between production and broadcast (Lazy Scranton?). Last year's winner, Desperate Housewives, is a critical non-entity this year serving as the osteoperatic backbone for ABC's flaccid Sunday lineup. Showtime's Weeds, on the other hand, rose to a new level in its second season, sharpening its banter and executing a smart, well-developed story that was both hilarious and surprisingly touching. Oh, and did I mention Showtime's the shit?

Best Performance By an Actress in a Series - Musical or Comedy

Marcia Cross – Desperate Housewives (ABC)

America Ferrera – Ugly Betty (ABC)

Felicity Huffman – Desperate Housewives (ABC)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus – The New Adventures Of Old Christine (CBS)

Mary-Louise Parker – Weeds (SHOWTIME)

Pick: America Ferrera
Why: I can't watch the show but everyone seems to love American Ferrera, and I have to admit, it would feel kind of warm in the chest if a fat, little dark girl won an award. Also, MLP won last year yet JLD took home the Emmy. Why should the HFPA pick sides between the two when it can reward someone young and new and also say fuck you to two white chicks that, in the end, kinda look the same but aren't cumulatively hotter than Sigourney Weaver's Key Master in Ghostbusters 1?

Best Performance By an Actor in a Television Series - Musical or Comedy

Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock (NBC)

Zach Braff – Scrubs (NBC)

Steve Carell – The Office (NBC)

Jason Lee – My Name Is Earl (NBC)

Tony Shalhoub – Monk (USA)

Pick: Alec Baldwin
Why: Duh. I mean Carell's acceptance speech was funny enough last year for NBC to use it as a promo for this year's airing, but Baldwin? C'mon. And Tony Shalhoub has been consistently condescending in his speeches toward those he's beaten like six times, so Baldwin? Duh.

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV

Bleak House (PBS)
Masterpiece Theatre/BBC/WGBH Boston/Deep Indigo; PBS

Broken Trail (AMC)
Butchers Run Films/Once Upon a Time Films/Sony Pictures Television; AMC

Elizabeth I (HBO)
Company Pictures/channel 4/HBO Films; HBO

Mrs. Harris (HBO)
Killer Films/Number 9 Films/John Wells Productions/HBO Films; HBO

Prime Suspect: The Final Act (PBS)
Masterpiece Theatre/Granada/WGBH Boston; PBS

Pick: Bleak House
Why: Yeah, I know it's risky to bet against anything backed by Killer Films, John Wells and HBO, but everyone's been sweating the PBS adaptation of Dickens without having sat through it so why can't I?

Best Performance By an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV

Gillian Anderson – Bleak House (PBS)

Annette Bening – Mrs. Harris (HBO)

Helen Mirren – Elizabeth I (HBO)

Helen Mirren – Prime Suspect: The Final Act (PBS)

Sophie Okonedo – Tsunami, The Aftermath (HBO)

Pick: Gillian Anderson
Why: Let Helen Mirren win for The Queen. Annette's got her nom for Running With Scissors. And Gillian's just always been awesome from The X-Files to The House of Mirth to, apparently, PBS' Bleak House.

Best Performance By an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for TV

André Braugher – Thief (FX)

Robert Duvall – Broken Trail (AMC)

Michael Ealy – Sleeper Cell: American Terror (SHOWTIME)

Chiwetel Ejiofor – Tsunami, The Aftermath (HBO)

Ben Kingsley – Mrs. Harris (HBO)

Bill Nighy – Gideon's Daughter (BBC)

Matthew Perry – The Ron Clark Story (TNT)

Pick: André Braugher
Why: It's been Bill Nighy's millennium, but he couldn't bring the Globe home last year for The Girl in the Cafe, which means a) he's out this year b) Ejiofor's out as well since HBO doesn't seem to be too favored and c) FX had the balls to re-brand a canceled show as a mini-series and that deserves the pilfering of some serious hardware.

Best Supporting Actress in ANYTHING on TV

Emily Blunt – Gideon's Daughter (BBC)

Toni Collette – Tsunami, The Aftermath (HBO)

Katherine Heigl – Grey's Anatomy (ABC)

Sarah Paulson – Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip (NBC)

Elizabeth Perkins – Weeds (SHOWTIME)

Pick: Elizabeth Perkins
Why: Sandra Oh won it last year for Grey's, somewhat deservedly, but Heigl's emotional basket case, Izzie, was more difficult to watch than Isiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey on Oprah. Perkins' Celia Hodes character in Weeds, however, develops her own strong storyline in season 2 that Perkins plays with a wry disgust that somehow becomes fragile and endearing.

Best Supporting Actor

Thomas Haden Church – Broken Trail (AMC)

Jeremy Irons – Elizabeth I (HBO)

Justin Kirk – Weeds (SHOWTIME)

Masi Oka – Heroes (NBC)

Jeremy Piven – Entourage (HBO)

Pick: Justin Kirk
Why: Justin Kirk's character in Weeds is hilarious and is dating Kate Walsh. Jeremy Piven's character in Entourage is brilliant but he's fighting with John Cusack. Piven won the Emmy, but he also wore an ascot. Kirk is every much an "actor's actor" as piven but may, in real life, actually have a sense of humor, which Piven, obvious to anyone who saw his MTV sponsored trip to India, may actually lack.